Fifty Shades – Five Weirdest Things

Perhaps I should be ashamed of it, but I’ve been reading Fifty Shades of Grey  The book that’s become famous for its kinky, kooky, oddball practices does indeed contain some strange ideas.  From the sultry heat of Oregon to the Red Room of Pain, here are the five weirdest things I’ve come across:

5. Wine.  Unless you earn approximately $100,000 per hour, you’ve never tasted wine and know nothing about it.  As the sign in my local wine bar has it, “Wine:  How classy people get wasted.”

4. Accents.  British accents are quite common in Washington state, it seems, and always indicate adventure and sophistication.  This girl needs to spend half a day in Leeds some time (I wouldn’t wish more than half a day of Leeds on anyone).  Also, it seems Irish accents are hard to recognise.  Who knew?

3. Wine again.  Pink champagne is the utter height of sophistication.  Apparently.

2. Cars.  Christian is obsessive about Ana’s safety and insists on checking the safety ratings of all the cars he buys her and only purchasing the safest.  It is, then, a shame that neither of the cars he’s bought her so far have been rated by either the NHTSA or Euro-NCAP.  But it’s okay, they’re European-designed cars, and therefore the safest available.  This guy needs to test-drive a Reliant.

1. Breakfast.  Forget all that Red Room of Pain rubbish; bacon with maple syrup is a serious perversion and should be banned immediately.